Mcdaniel37's Blog
Patron Saint Of Assholes & Frisbees
She said God sent me to her because He knew she'd need me. I agreed to
clean her house, write out checks, babysit her two children during her
appointments (like this Friday), run errands, check on her best friend
(my 84 year-old neighbor) from time to time (because her own children
don't) and whatever else she may need. I told her it was no problem and
she insisted on paying me. I would've done it for free. I mean, it's
not like she broke her leg or anything. The woman had her chest cracked
a few weeks ago so that doctors could do 5 bypasses (which I've never
heard of) and she's only been home for about a week now with another 6
months of recovery ahead of her. As if that weren't bad enough they had
to open her up again shortly after the surgery because she was bleeding
internally and they couldn't tell where it was coming from. But they
got it all sorted out and she's fine now (or as fine as one can be
after having their breastbone sawed and spread apart. *shudder*) with
minimal discomfort. She can't do a whole lot of anything without
getting winded and I noticed today that she gets short of breath just
talking. So I agreed to help her out when and where I could. She's a
great lady and she's got her hands full with an epileptic daughter, a
mildly autistic son and a husband who's on the road driving truck 5-6
days a week. She teared up when she told me that God had sent me to
her. All I could do was smile and hope she didn't see the bewilderment
in my eyes because I was at a loss as to what to say. How do you
respond to that? Do you just nod and say, "Yep, the old codger finally
go SOMETHING right." Could just be me but that sounds a bit assholey. A
little while after I left I got teased about it. "What are you, like
the Fairview Patron Saint Of The Sick And Elderly? You're going to
spend your days running around rescuing and helping sick and hurt
puppies now? Well, maybe not animals, they don't seem to like your
satanic ass." I had to wonder just how big an asshole I've become that
helping out a neighbor (one who didn't irritate me) would become kind
of a joke to others around me. But then I had to think: well, if I
weren't as big an asshole as I am then who knows how many dirtbags
would be going out of their way to take advantage of my goodwill. My
natural-born and well-cultivated attitude (problem) automatically weeds
out all those lazy bastards and then enables me to help out those who
really need it. So being an asshole really isn't such a bad thing. To
me. It's a bad thing to those who make it on The List, though.
To be continued...
To be continued...
Just A Dream
Once a wintery kiss
Ignited a blazing dream
Beneath the ice-chipped stars
Your passion set me free.
If Only I Could Love You, Would I?
Her beauty was enticing, her smile infectious. Her eyes made you warm inside but if you looked carefully, looked deep into those dark portals, you could see the hollow core that kept her cold. No amount of kisses or warm embraces could make the cold go away but it didn't stop her from trying. She yearned for the fire that would banish the ice but no one she met possessed that spark. Oh, how I longed to cure the sickness in her. How I wanted to be the one to hold her and make her warm again; to banish the pain and make her laugh from the heart. But I was afraid to try. Not that I would fail but that I would succeed. If I were successful how could I tell her that I didn't love her? How could I tell her that I couldn't? For my love, what little there is, was not meant for her or any other like her? The love she seeks I cannot give. For that reason alone I cannot try. I cannot break her heart when I only meant to help heal her. So I stand alone in the shadows to watch the beautiful facade dance and glimmer as a mirage in the distance and all the pathetic blind fools leap through hoops of fire and ice for her affection and all falling flat on their faces. She must suffer because I fear the love I cannot return. I fear my own cowardice.
Happy New Year!
Many blessings to you and yours
in the coming
year.
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To Sum It Up
"Unfair
though life may be, we must accept the cards fate has dealt us, and try
to do the best we can." I don't think I need to further elaborate on
this, do I? I would certainly hope not.
One Of Those Days
I went to Sonic and ordered a large Java Chiller with an espresso shot
(called a Sonic Boom. I know, I thought that was pretty cute, too) and
they gave it to me in a tall ass cup with a short ass straw. Seriously,
take a sip, then the straw drops down beneath the dome lid and then I
had to fish it out. Every. Damn. Time. So, yeah, today was one of those days.
(called a Sonic Boom. I know, I thought that was pretty cute, too) and
they gave it to me in a tall ass cup with a short ass straw. Seriously,
take a sip, then the straw drops down beneath the dome lid and then I
had to fish it out. Every. Damn. Time. So, yeah, today was one of those days.
Holy Crap! Did You See That?!
Is it just me or is this the one time of year where the common American
citizen is given free license to behave like an ill-mannered child in a
toy store? The only time of year I see grown ass adults acting like
spoiled rotten kids in need of a thorough beating over a damn parking
space, over some crap item that's almost out of stock (that will no
doubt end up in the back of someone's closet or in the Donation Bin at
some local charity before the week is out) or trying to rip off a store
by claiming that what they picked up is in fact on sale at 50-75% off.
Lies, violence, vicious insults, assaults with shopping carts, etc.
Most of these done by women, no less, with their poor, sappy, broken
husbands in tow wearing their purse. Now, don't get me wrong, I really
enjoy this time of year (since having my kids) but I make a fucking
point not to go shopping after the second week in December. Seriously,
even if my husband were stupid and/or crazy there's no way in hell he
could drag me out of the house and to any town on a weekend unless we
were going to lunch and a movie and even that's asking a bit much
considering the traffic. This is the one time of year when people
forget about being kind and decent and start giving other drivers the
finger and screaming obscenities out the window with young children in
the cars around them. What the hell is it about this time of year that
really brings out the worst in them? Now I've seen a lot of kindness
and decency around here (Toys For Tots done by Marines, people getting
an Angel off the tree in Wal Mart, various toy drives, etc.) but an .87
donation in the Salvation Army bucket does not give anyone the right to
behave in an extremely uncivilized manner and I'm a damn heathen, I
know uncivilized and even I don't behave like that.
So to everyone that must do their Christmas shopping at the last minute (financial situation, time constraints) please make the effort to be patient, let the over stressed grandmother behind you have that parking space and walk the few extra hundred yards to the door, smile and hold the door for someone, take your time getting to the register, bring a book in your purse/bag for those long lines at said register, do what you can not to be a dick because I happen to know that some people have no problem with injuring another shopper over the barest hint of a slight, real or imagined (I've seen it.) Stay safe, smile and thank whichever deity you pray to that this time of year only comes once in 12 whole freaking months.
Happy Holidays to people I knew back in the day and people who are complete strangers who somehow found their way to my page. Many blessings to you all.
So to everyone that must do their Christmas shopping at the last minute (financial situation, time constraints) please make the effort to be patient, let the over stressed grandmother behind you have that parking space and walk the few extra hundred yards to the door, smile and hold the door for someone, take your time getting to the register, bring a book in your purse/bag for those long lines at said register, do what you can not to be a dick because I happen to know that some people have no problem with injuring another shopper over the barest hint of a slight, real or imagined (I've seen it.) Stay safe, smile and thank whichever deity you pray to that this time of year only comes once in 12 whole freaking months.
Happy Holidays to people I knew back in the day and people who are complete strangers who somehow found their way to my page. Many blessings to you all.
Who Do I Gotta Hurt To Feel Better?
Have you ever heard someone say that they were so pissed they could
spit nails? Right now, I'm so pissed I could take those nails and drive
them right through someone's fucking eyes and take pleasure in their
screams of agony. Why? Because I just spent a fucking hour and a half
writing a post on my Xanga site and guess what happened? I went to save
and post and when I did I got a blank screen with the words:
"Xanga is currently down for maintenance.
We will return shortly. Thanks!"
You know how when you write something and you work on it awhile and shit just comes together for you? You get into that groove that's so fucking smooth you feel as if you could write forever (or at least until the jittery caffeine high wears off) and what comes from your fingers is pure magic, it's bliss, it's truth and fiction and it swirls around in this delightfully brilliant vortex that can't be replicated no matter how hard you try and you know that it'll be another long while before you have a moment like that again. Kind of like that awesome night of mind blowing sex you had that was so perfect that you knew that God, in his pervy way, was smiling down on you and blessing you with orgasm after orgasm and although it was beyond great, beyond perfect you've never had a night like that since? Yeah, me neither, but I figure someone out there must be able to relate to that one.
Well, tonight I had a moment like that and it just so happened that fucking Xanga decided to pick that time, without notice it seems, to shut down for fucking maintenance. What the hell?! FUCK!!!! I can't get that back. I'll still try but I know I won't be able to bring it together like that again. At least not for that piece. What really irritates the piss out of me is that I paid for fucking Premium last night and this is the first thing Xanga does to me, loses my fucking brilliant post. *sigh!* Fucking suuuuuucks. So instead of having your minds blown by what I had written before you now had to sit through this little bitchfest and yes, it was little. You should see me when I forget the bottle of bleach in the shopping cart in the middle of the Wal Mart parking lot and then don't realize it until after I get home. Talk about a bitchfest. Hell, I could just about break my own knee caps with a hammer.
So, there you go. Thanks for sitting through this one with me and I apologize for wasting your time. I don't really mean that but tomorrow I might almost feel bad enough to kind of apologize. Maybe.
It Can Always Be Better
Then again, it can always be much, much worse so one shouldn't complain. But sometimes it's really hard to remember that.
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