What The Hell's Wrong With Me?

I wonder about you sometimes: where you've gone, things you do, the dreams you dream. I wonder what your life is like when you know that there are things missing in your existence. Who's eyes do you see in the dark? Who's eyes promise you love? Who do you imagine in your arms and who's lips haunt your thoughts during the day? Such things I wonder; such silly things...Do you know that across all this distance I can see the depth in your beautiful dark eyes? I can see your soul-what a wondrous entity it is. I see the knowledge and splendor of a world much traveled. I can see your honor, your integrity, everything that makes you a man I long for. Such things I see...such things I wish were within my reach...

Another steamy hot day in NE MS. You know, it wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the damn humidity. God that shit sucks. Some days I wish I could just hit the damn Powerball and then get the fuck outta here. Move to New Mexico. Santa Fe. I wouldn't open up a restaurant but I'd love to have a house, possibly a ranch, right outside of town. I don't like being crowded by people and I don't like my neighbors sitting right on top of me. I'd like to have a few horses or maybe just one. I don't know anything about them but I assume it'd be like having a really big dog; you just feed them and hose them down once in a while, right? I don't ride; never learned. But there were a couple of attempts many years ago when I was the tender age of 18/19. You would have to search past posts for that one. It was an experience alright. One I don't care to repeat (a third time). I'd love to have a Huskie/Malamute/Wolf dog (pick a combination) and a Great Dane. Since I probably wouldn't ride the horse I could definitely handle riding the dog. I'm scared to death of heights so the fall wouldn't be so bad. A house with a large kitchen, center island and  a lot of counter space. Maybe marble counter tops. Or granite. With lots of windows and a magnificent view of the landscape. Someplace that for once in my life truly feels like home. Maybe the peace and balance I long for, crave, is in Northern New Mexico, surrounded by beautiful people and a rich heritage. I want that dream so badly and there's no way it'll come to me. Not yet. I've been patient my whole damn life and still I wait. Such is the lot of my life. I'm in love with New Mexico and I only had a passing introduction with it. I believe that's called love at first site. Of course, if I had the money for that dream then I sure as hell would have the money for my house on the beach. Well, not on the beach but on a small cliff overlooking the ocean with a staircase going down to the beach. A small stretch of beach to call my own. What it must be like to wake up in the morning to that view. Nothing but a magnificent expanse of deep endless blue. White capped waves rolling up on the sand and begging me to take a walk in the warm water. The grit beneath my feet and the sun beating down on my head. Yeah, that'd be my summer home. Maybe. I'd also like a cabin on a lake in the mountains. Maybe one of each. Well, it's nice to dream. Until you wake up. As a former friend was fond of saying, "You just gotta keep on keepin' on."

Eagle Chief (Letakos-Lesa) Pawnee

In the beginning of all things, wisdom and knowledge were with the animals, for Tirawa, the One Above, did not speak directly to man. He sent certain animals to tell men that he showed himself through the beast, and that from them, and from the stars and the sun and moon should man learn.. all things tell of Tirawa.

All things in the world are two. In our minds we are two, good and evil. With our eyes we see two things, things that are fair and things that are ugly.... We have the right hand that strikes and makes for evil, and we have the left hand full of kindness, near the heart. One foot may lead us to an evil way, the other foot may lead us to a good. So are all things two, all two.

How long is this path I must walk? How long before I reach my destination? How much more must I endure before I am allowed to find peace? Is my existence so atrocious that I must suffer so? To be bludgeoned from all sides by the screams of those I once loved. To have my heart ripped to shreds by the daggers they have for tongues. To be haunted by the shadows in the dark that dare to trespass into the daylight. To be harassed by the nightmares that no longer await nightfall. How far must I walk this wretched path before I may find peace in my heart, mind and soul? How far....?

"All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity; but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dream with open eyes, to make it possible."

T. E. Lawrence

Are you tired of those sissy-ass "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality?  Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship:
 
1.  When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
 
2.  When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
 
3.  When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
 
4.  When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
 
5.  When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you quit whining.
 
6.  When you are confused -- I will use little words.
 
7.  When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again.  I don't want whatever you have.
 
8.  When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
 
9.  This is my oath.....  I pledge it to the end.

"Why?" you may ask. "Because you are my friend".
 
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, then get depressed because you can only think of 4.
 
Remember.......A good friend will help you move.....a REALLY good friend will help you move a body.......let me know if you ever need me to bring a shovel.
 
Friendship is like peeing in your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel the true warmth