What The Hell's Wrong With Me?

You will be harassed by cats today. Hungry, irritable cats.

And Canadians wonder why we don't take them seriously.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20070525/sc_livescience/endangeredspeciesprotectionsoughtforbigfoot;_ylt=AoXA3a7h_72T6HSEMI3ScH2s0NUE

COMMENTARY

Recently, Mike Lake, a Canadian member of parliament from Edmonton, Alberta, agreed to introduce a petition that called for Bigfoot to be protected under the Canadian version of the endangered species act.

Lake presented to the House of Commons a petition that stated, “The debate over (Bigfoot’s) existence is moot in the circumstance of their tenuous hold on merely existing. Therefore, the petitioners request the House of Commons to establish immediate, comprehensive legislation to affect immediate protection of Bigfoot.”

The man behind the petition was a Bigfoot enthusiast named Todd Standing, who claims to have definitive proof of Bigfoot but is withholding it until protection for the alleged animals is in place. “When I get species protection for them nationwide, I will make my findings public and I will take this out of the realm of mythology. Bigfoot is real,” Standing said.

The petition soon became an embarrassment for Lake, who later issued a press release stating that the proposal had been tabled.

“I take seriously my responsibility to represent all of my constituents, regardless of whether or not I agree with their views. If a legitimate petition is brought forward by one of my constituents and deemed to be in order, I feel it is my duty to table it in the House,” Lake wrote. Lake also clarified that he never spoke in the House of Commons regarding the petition, nor did he endorse the existence of Bigfoot.

The fact that Bigfoot (or Sasquatch, as it is better known in Canada) have never been proven to exist is apparently not an issue for those who support such measures, nearly 500 of whom signed the petition. There is some precedent for the proposal: Similar quasi-legal measures protecting unknown creatures have been suggested or passed, for example protecting the Canadian monsters “Memphre” (of Quebec’s Lake Memphremagog) and “Caddy” (of British Columbia’s Cadboro Bay). “Champ,” the lake monster said to inhabit Lake Champlain, is “officially” protected by both the New York State Assembly and the Vermont Legislature.

Protecting endangered species is important for biodiversity, but protecting animals that may not even exist is putting the cart before the unicorn. No one has ever injured or killed a creature not known to exist; Bigfoot and lake monsters are no more in need of legal protection than are leprechauns or dragons. If the creatures are eventually discovered, scientists will do all they can to preserve and study the species. Until then, surely lawmakers have more important things to worry about.

Benjamin Radford has written many articles about the search for mysterious creatures. His latest book, co-authored with researcher Joe Nickell, is Lake Monster Mysteries: Investigating the World’s Most Elusive Creatures. This and other books are noted on his website.

Artillery Punch

• 1 l. Bourbon
• 1 l. Red Wine (dry)
• 1 l. Black Tea
• 1 pt. Dark rum
• 1 pt. Fresh orange juice
• 1 cup Gin
• 1 cup Brandy
• 1 cup Lemon juice
• 5 oz. sugar syrup
• Lemon Peels

Mix all chilled ingredients in a bowl with a block of ice. Garnish with lemon peels. 40 servings.

BERLIN (Reuters) - A wheelchair-bound German stunned police when they pulled him over for using the road and found he was 10 times over the legal alcohol limit for drivers.

"He was right in the middle of the road," said a spokesman for police in the northeastern city of Schwerin Tuesday. "The officers couldn't quite believe it when they saw the results of the breath test. That's a life-threatening figure."

The 31-year-old told police he had been out drinking with a friend and was a little over a mile from home when a squad car stopped him as he passed through the village of Ventschow.

Police said that because the man was technically traveling as a pedestrian, he could not be charged with a driving offence.

"It's not like we can impound his wheelchair," the spokesman said. "But he is facing some sort of punishment. It's just not clear yet what exactly that will be."

ELDERON, Wis. - Around here, it may be tough to pass up anything deep-fried.

Wisconsinites have deep-fried cheese curds, candy bars and Twinkies. They now have deep-fried livestock testicles, too.

More than 300 people paid $5 for all-you-can-eat goat, lamb and bull testicles Saturday at the ninth annual Testicle Festival at Mama's Place Bar and Grill in Elderon in central Wisconsin.

"Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Hoffman said.

Festival founder Nancy Fenske said the festival grew out of her late husband Roger's birthday party 12 years ago. They decided to have "a nut fry" at Mama's Place after bringing back lamb fries from a trip to Montana.

The event grew every year and now they fry up to 100 pounds of testicles, she said.

"What else can you do in a small town?" Fenske said.

Butch Joubert, 58, likes the parts sandwiched between bread with tartar sauce. They're not so different from regular meatballs also served at the festival, he said.

"After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," Joubert said.